DBT and Relaxation techniques

Today, Luke and I went to our weekly DBT class, and were introduced to some more Qigong and yoga. I have also found an online yoga challenge site with meditation and yoga challenges, and the ability to track your success, and receive daily newsletters by email.

I need to learn how to put myself into a relaxed state of mind, especially when challenged about my Service Dog. I'm not talking about public access issues, I have had mostly positive experiences with businesses. It's the people that question me, interrogate, or harass me that distresses me.

Right now, I am doing a fund raiser to get the mobility harness custom made from Bold Lead Designs. I have talked to Katrina Boldry, who hand makes them, and I am convinced that I will be happy with their products and customer service. But fund raising, and doing a raffle, although somewhat successful, has opened me up to more inquisitions from people about why I have a Service Dog, why I need this specially made harness, and why doesn't the "school" he came from, provide the equipment I need. First of all, Luke didn't come from a "school", he is considered owner trained, with the help of professional trainers, and various obedience classes we've attended since he was a puppy. For Medical alert, and specifically Psychiatric Service, getting a dog as a puppy provides a distinct advantage, as the bonding period, about 4 months old, is not missed as would happen with dogs that grow up with "puppy raisers" before they go to school for Service Dog training, around 18 months to 2 years old.

Luke has learned on his own, through our close bond and being together 24/7, to alert and respond to incipient episodes that may come on suddenly, due to my PTSD, Bipolar, Agoraphobia, Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depression, General Anxiety disorder, etc, and is just now beginning to learn "Brace" to assist me with balance, provide mobility support, pulling up hills and stairs, and will learn to "step" one step at a time, while I lean on him going down stairs or steep walk ways. I am hoping my trainer, Patti Reed, of Whitehall, Montana, can help me teach these tasks to Luke, now that he's full grown and can now bear some weight on him, as well as learning the "retrieve" with the help of a training DVD from Leerberg.com, called "Training the Retrieve, with Mike Ellis", so that I can have Luke pick things up I have dropped, help me in the grocery store, and retrieve medication, phone, and other items to reduce my vulnerability of falling over or over taxing myself, especially with the side effects of the 15 different medications I take daily.

Speaking of medication, I am delighted to say that FINALLY, after a strongly worded letter from my Psych Doctor to my insurance company, I have again been approved to take Provigil, which helps with narcolepsy, excessive daytime sleepiness, and sleep disturbances caused by my sleep apnea. I have had great difficulty getting to sleep at night, and staying awake during the day. I finally got off of some of the medication that caused so much weight gain, and I have lost 90 pounds in two years. My doctor agrees with me that I shouldn't be put back on those medications that caused the weight gain, just so that I can get some sleep. On zyprexa and high doses of Seroquel and Haldol, I was like a zombie, flat and unresponsive, neither high nor low, just apathetic. It was awful and I feel much better today. We just have to find out what to do so that I can sleep at night. I am back on Prozac instead of Cymbalta, and my depression seems better. I am also taking Ritalin during the day to make me feel like I can get through the day without a nap, or falling asleep unexpectedly.

My time with Luke is very therapeutic. We do everything together, and he is always by my side. Since I haven't been sleeping, I let him stick to his regular sleeping habits and he goes to the crate on his own between 10 and 11pm. When I finally go to bed, which is often when Captain K is getting ready to go to work at Butte Glass Shop, Luke comes to bed with me, and I find that I do sleep better with him there with me. When I have a nightmare, he automatically checks on me, and when asked, will lay partly across my chest, and I will focus on my breathing and my heart rate, and I am able to use his weight and his breathing and heart rate to guide me back to a state of restfullness. Also, I am taking Prazosin for nightmares, and that seems to be helping, but it does cause dizziness, especially if I rise from bed or a chair too quickly. Having Luke there to lean on during those times helps. He is just now learning the word, "Brace", where he stands cross ways in front of me and locks his knees and provides me with a solid support to steady myself. He needs work on applying the brace work on stairs. He tends to want to watch me, so he jumps ahead of me and turns around and walks up the stairs backwards, keeping an eye on me as I go up each step. I want him to get in a heel position and step with me, one step at a time, in pace with me, allowing me to lean on him for support as I take each step individually at my own speed. I do better going up stairs than I do going down. Going up stairs, the harness I'm getting has a leather pull strap that Luke can learn to help with momentum getting up, but I am slow going down stairs since my knees are weak, and I am unsteady, needing to take each step slowly, with both feet on each step before I take the next step down. Luke needs to learn how to do this for me, in his new mobility harness. We'll go to the Silver House or the Court House to practice stairs.

I am writing this blog in lieu of doing daily diary cards for DBT. I need to track my daily use of DBT skills and mindfulness, recording what works and what doesn't work during times of distress. The module we are in now is Distress Tolerance, which I am learning a lot, through practising controlled breathing exercises, mindfulness, distracting myself, and self soothing. I use the computer and television a lot for distraction, but I've noticed when I'm out, doing the fund raiser, and out in public, I need to apply what I've learned about breathing deeply, relaxing, and monitoring my mood. There are many times I find myself just wanting to escape the environment entirely, needing Luke to guide me back to the car, my "safe spot', in order to function normally again. Being out on the town has been a positive thing is some ways, allowing me some positive social experiences with supportive people, but has also been very distressing, when confronted by someone that is dubious and less than sympathetic about my disabilities and need of a Service Dog. Luke has picked up on some of my nervousness, and has not been overly social while we've been out. He looks around a lot, and appears to be always looking for the way out of wherever we are. When I sit down to talk to someone, have a drink, or play a machine in the casino, he seems to relax, and stays in a down position right next to my feet. But, entering unknown places, my tension travels down the leash, and Luke appears nervous. I'm hoping more exposure to more places and venues, will teach him to enter places with more confidence and ease. He is used to the regular places I go, to the Doctor, to classes, to the grocery store, to the pharmacy, and my regular errands, and he does quite well during those outings.

Whenever Luke gets nervous, I feel self conscious, and I feel more nervous, and he picks up on that from me, and it becomes a vicious cycle. I am the one that needs to learn how to relax, and teach Luke to relax, so that he can then be a source of relaxation for me, whenever I need it. We both need more confidence, more practice in public places, and more communication that is productive during times of distress. At home, there's never a problem. I am usually always calm at home, and Luke is calm, and he is there for me in a positive way for comfort and support. There have been a few times that I had an emotional breakdown at home, and Luke responded effectively, trying to get me to play with him, licking my tears, distracting me, allowing for physical contact, deep pressure therapy, and a source of comfort, providing me with the ability to focus on him, his breathing, his heart rate, the senses of touch and smell to remind me to use my DBT skills to return to a state of well being. We are both learning right now, and I am looking forward to the training coming up Wednesday, September 5th, our first of three levels of C.L.A.S.S. training. The training is focused on positive interaction, social interaction for the dog, positive reinforcement, and basic manners and skills for a happy, healthy, polite dog. I have a waist pack for clicker training with treats, thanks to Mary Herrick for finding one for me.
Luke has a new leather collar coming, and I want to be able to discontinue using the prong collar, but that will take some practice, as right now I need it in case Luke was suddenly distracted by a cat running past us or something, and I don't have the arm strength for a dog over 100 pounds pulling me and possibly causing me to fall.

Tonight, it's not too hot, so I will probably cook some pork chops in the skillet with some vegetables. I've increased Luke's dog food, Kirkland's Chicken and Rice formula, and will be adding Taste of the Wild, Salmon formula, because Luke has lost nearly 5 pounds over the summer. I will go back to feeding him twice a day instead of just dinner. Plus I will be adding liver treats for training. I will go to Thrive, health food for dogs store, prior to beginning the new class in September to get new treats. His food and treats costs are expensive, but fortunately, he's not overly food motivated or toy motivated or concerned with chew things, bones or other stuff, and is mostly praise oriented, so I save money on much of those extra things, as he shows little interest in them. I got a ticket today for an expired tag, which I didn't realize I had, so that's another expense that I didn't plan for. It will probably be October before I am financially  stable again.

Thanks for reading our blog.

Amy and Luke